Super Mario Bros. 2
2021-02-11
Much better than the Lost Levels, but far from being as good as 3. Overall, not that bad for the American release. Also I like the originality of the game - it introduces new characters which are different but still do fit the vibe of the series.
CrazyBus
2021-03-12
Nice game.
Duck Hunt
2021-03-19
The game not only has a disappointingly small amount of content but also manages not to impress me at all. There’s just nothing to talk about.
The Cheetahmen
2021-04-09
This game is completely broken. At first, it’s funny seeing all those glitches that make the game seem like it actually knows what you’re doing and is playing against you, but later in the game, it fucks everything up because the game becomes unplayable. What kind of a sadist even designed all those late levels? There’s absolutely no way you can avoid all that shit flying all over the screen without taking a single hit, which you apparently need to progress. In any case, it seems like the game is so bugged out, it’s a miracle to actually complete it, so I won’t torture myself more by trying to play it again. One cool thing, though, about this game is its killer soundtrack. Too bad it’s being paused every time any other sound effect plays, and it’s the only fucking song you hear in the whole game.
- Favorite character: Saddam Hussein
Minecraft
2021-04-11
This game is a masterpiece. It’s the first ever game to provide such sort of sandbox experience that drives your creativity so much, can be enjoyed by anyone, and doesn’t stop being fun after a long time. In addition to that, it’s packed with banger music and nice textures that will be forever engraved in your brain once you experience them. What’s weird is that it took me 9 years to get my hands on finally completing it despite spending countless hours playing it all these years and letting it shape me as a person. It’s a shame but better than nothing.
- Favorite version: Java Edition Alpha v1.1.2_01
- Favorite biome: desert
- Favorite block: cobblestone
- Favorite item: iron ingot
- Favorite entity: boat
Paperboy
2021-05-19
Well, it’s an arcade. But it’s not just a regular arcade, it’s an exceptionally shitty one. While the game looks simple, it’s actually incredibly complex in a bad way. For example, the whole game is isometric, which is ambitious in technical terms but unbearable in terms of actually playing. And if that wasn’t enough, the whole stage is littered with different sorts of obstacles, avoiding which is extremely painful not because it’s actually hard but because the game is fucked up and doesn’t know where one object ends and another begins. And as an icing on the cake, the objective of the game - shooting newspapers into mailboxes - is completely ridiculous. To be fair, it sounds fun in theory, but too bad it’s not because actually executing shots in real time on the first try is nearly impossible due to broken controls. So in the end, this game is just meh. The graphics are meh, the music is meh, and the Easter egg or whatever the fuck they left in the end is also meh.
Gartic Phone
2021-05-27
Well, this game is similar to skribbl, but I can’t say it’s just as fun. One problem is that it requires many people to play it properly - you can’t just do it alone with one person. Though to be fair, when you do get many people, the results can get hilarious, but overall, I can’t say it’s consistently fun to play.
Deltarune: Chapter 2
2021-09-19
Holy. Fucking. Shit. This was unbelievably amazing. This is a perfect continuation of Chapter 1 that I couldn’t even dream of. I’d give it 11/10 if my scoring system allowed it. The game only got better compared to the previous chapter. The plot is just as interesting, and it’s even more fun to play. The game got more complex but in an enjoyable way. One of the ways it did is the visuals, and oh boy, they are good. The game is filled to the brim with smooth eye candy animations that leave an unforgettable experience. And as a cherry on the cake, the humor of the game is still on the level, and the music is just as groovy. Other than getting more complex, the game also got much harder. The game handed my ass to me quite a few times, but I wouldn’t say it was frustrating. I, of course, cheated once again, but this time, I not only had to edit my save file but also use Cheat Engine in the final boss fight. So overall, the game is amazing, but it might just be too amazing. It took 6 years to release 2 chapters, and there are 5 chapters left, so I’m not sure if I’ll ever see it complete. But hopefully, Toby knows what he’s doing and will deliver.
- Caused post-anime depression syndrome
- Favorite character: Queen
Felix the Cat
2021-10-01
This game is your average noob-friendly NES platformer. However, it does have some pretty nice graphics and music. Not as nice as Kirby’s Adventure, but still nice. Overall, it’s a solid casual game, and it was nice playing it.
DuckTales
2021-10-31
This game is a nightmare. The main problem with it is that it suffers exactly the same issue as Kirby’s Dream Land. It looks and sounds extremely well, acts as if it promises to be an easy-peasy family-friendly platformer, but in the reality, destroys your ass. This game is really really hard. An order of magnitude harder than the hardest boss in Kirby’s Dream Land. In fact, it’s so hard that I couldn’t complete the first level. On an easy difficulty. Using cheats. While googling the walkthrough. I couldn’t have ever imagined that I’d suck so much at a video game. I mean, for fuck’s sake, even in The Cheetahmen, I managed to complete the first, like, 3 levels and only then give up.
Sigh. So yeah, the first level wasn’t completed. The second one was, but then I realized that I skipped and not finished the first level, so I tried to complete it again and got my ass handed to me. In order to complete the third level, I had to complete the second level first and find some hidden shit, and I didn’t have enough nerves for that. The fourth level about as hard as the second one, so I managed it. The last fifth level, oh boy, combined the worst elements of other levels. Not only the enemies are all over the place and pulverize you instantly, and the whole level is a fucking maze, where you have no idea where to go, but there’s also a banger music in the background that distracts you by its groove. In conclusion, fuck this game.
Adventure Island
2021-11-12
This game is also a nightmare. However, my criticism won’t be as harsh this time because it doesn’t look like a game for children. The difficulty of the game is pretty damn high. So high that I felt like I was playing The Cheetahmen at moments. Though, this game is not as shitty. In order to complete it, I had to learn how to use cheats in RetroArch, and oh boy, I had to use some. But regardless of my dirty deeds, I actually managed to complete it, which is a good sign.
Other than the difficulty, the game is pretty nice for its era. The graphics and the music look really good for 1986. In fact, this game is so advanced that the NES flickers and lags because of how much shit is on the screen at once. But despite being somewhat of an eye candy, it still has a big problem. It’s repetitive as hell. The same backgrounds, the same music, the same enemies. But obviously, it’s not the game’s fault, considering how early it was released. So summing up, I think this is a well-made hard game, but I’ve seen better.
John Cena’s Sexy High School Adventure!!!
2021-12-14
This game is a masterpiece. It’s like your regular visual novel with surreal and psychedelic shit that makes you hunt for all possible endings, but unlike others, it’s actually funny. I was legitimately laughing the whole time while playing it, which is quite an achievement. Finding out the true ending was also interesting, even though it was pretty easy. Another noteworthy thing about it is the carefully handcrafted in Microsoft Paint visuals and the professionally selected music, which create an unmistakable atmosphere. I highly recommend you to play this game. It’s really short but is 100% worth your time.